Happiness

I've been trying the hardest I ever have in my life to be happy right now. I feel like I've put on my game face so much I don't know what I really look like anymore.

My sister has been diagnosed with stage 4 metastasizing colon cancer, my grandma just died, and I love someone who will never want me back.

When it rains it pours. It's a shit storm right now.

I'm tired of trying to find happiness in the little things, I want something big to be happy about.

Maybe I drained my good karma battery, maybe I took too much for granted, maybe god just thinks I suck ... who knows.

All I know is when will it stop being so hard to be happy?