Glug glug glug

I'm drowning. I'm drowning in my own mind.

The undertow of maladaptive thoughts is pulling me farther and farther out into the ocean.

I'm tired of swimming against the current. It might be nice to stop swimming and float away.

What's even worse the people closest to me are happier than ever and most of them have their very own swimming buddy.

Going Bald

I'm going bald. To show solidarity for my sister's battle with cancer I will shave my head bald. This is a pretty intense decision to make but I feel like it's one of the few things I can do to feel like I am doing something.

Happiness

I've been trying the hardest I ever have in my life to be happy right now. I feel like I've put on my game face so much I don't know what I really look like anymore.

My sister has been diagnosed with stage 4 metastasizing colon cancer, my grandma just died, and I love someone who will never want me back.

When it rains it pours. It's a shit storm right now.

I'm tired of trying to find happiness in the little things, I want something big to be happy about.

Maybe I drained my good karma battery, maybe I took too much for granted, maybe god just thinks I suck ... who knows.

All I know is when will it stop being so hard to be happy?

Words aren't working for me lately

Post the was supposed to be for yesterday

1. I went bowling. Pork pattie is the most delicious lunch in the world. Bridger and Bryce made some tasty Pad Thai.

2. Don't Trust Me - 3oh3

2. Get my schedule for the semester fully figured out. I got the Vampire Weekend ticket.

An Experiment

I want to use this blog again. I want to use it every day. It may not serve any purpose other than to get me to stick with a habit. I don't necessarily think that is a bad reason - if it's not interesting, reading is not required.

up.

I feel like a format may help me keep this habit. Have a few criteria to meet with every entry and I can build on if I want to.

1. 3 good things that have happened during the day.

2. Song(s) of the day

3. Goal for tomorrow (was today's fulfilled)

Here it goes:

1. Work went well. Bridger made me and friends stew for dinner. I got to catch with a friend and share gossip.

2. The Good life - Weezer

3. Get Vampire Weekend tickets.

Not much else for tonight I hope this works out.