Through the years I have proudly proclaimed I am lazy . . . yes, you heard it first, I'm lazy and proud. Before I start my own support group let me explain why I am proud of this negative trait.
From a very young age I have truly only done the bare minimum in most cases. Yet, all but one semester of middle school I was on the Honor Roll. I carry a 3.4 G. P. G. I even took honors classes up until this year, my senior year. I don't exactly know how I pull through for most of this. I guess I am extremely lucky and pretty damn smart.
With that being said, I envy those with a good work ethic. Because most things come so easily to me, when something challenges me I shut down. Luckily, even with that trait, I still have kept my grades up and pleased my parents.
For some reason I think I am getting a little less lazy. I'm filing for extemp and I don't even compete in that event. I am actually working hard in my English class (which is filled with idiots). I actually keep log of assignments to turn in and have only two missing assignments so far this year. A very new development in my life and it feels quite odd.
I am nowhere near as studious as other people and there are far better students in my school, but I have improved. Hopefully, this trend will continue and college won't kick my ass too badly. Having a boyfriend who does his work helps.
All in all, I still am lazy to the point of not eating because it requires chewing. Yet, there is a little light at the end of the tunnel
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Changed Revisited
Last time, I discussed the change other people can cause in one's self. How about just change in general? Many of the things that used to be set in stone with me have changed.
I used to love Christmas, but now I think the tides are turning. Consumerism, deteriorating ties with family, and cynicism create a deadly cocktail for my love of Christmas. I used to have the faith that each year I would be happy to see my family. I used to not see that this holiday is in the trophy case of greed. I used to believe in Santa and in Jesus.
I used to live by the phrase, "You can't judge a book by its cover." I used to makes friends with people from all walks of life. I used to befriend people even if I knew they were not necessarily that put together. Now, I feel that the majority of people hate me, that most every new person will hate me, and/or that I will hate that person.
I used to be empathetic to most every person in society, sparing cold-blooded killers and my bullies. I used to feel for the kid who felt he had no way out. I used to not hate the preps and tried to see the good in them. Now I constantly bash emos, jocks, preps, cheerleaders, and a plethora of other groups.
There are more examples I could get into, but I will leave it at that.
I wonder how me 5 years ago would view me now. Would she recognize me? Would she respect me? Would she empathize with me? Would she even have things in common with me aside from superficial interests and appearances?
I'm worried that the girl that looks back at me from the mirror is someone I didn't want to be. I'm worried that I am the monster I once was plagued by. How do you do a complete 180 like this? How do you lose the traits you consider so admirable about yourself? How do you regain them once lost?
The glass in the mirror feels like it is warping. Every time I see something I like in myself, it is distorted and made to be grotesquely ironic.
I used to love Christmas, but now I think the tides are turning. Consumerism, deteriorating ties with family, and cynicism create a deadly cocktail for my love of Christmas. I used to have the faith that each year I would be happy to see my family. I used to not see that this holiday is in the trophy case of greed. I used to believe in Santa and in Jesus.
I used to live by the phrase, "You can't judge a book by its cover." I used to makes friends with people from all walks of life. I used to befriend people even if I knew they were not necessarily that put together. Now, I feel that the majority of people hate me, that most every new person will hate me, and/or that I will hate that person.
I used to be empathetic to most every person in society, sparing cold-blooded killers and my bullies. I used to feel for the kid who felt he had no way out. I used to not hate the preps and tried to see the good in them. Now I constantly bash emos, jocks, preps, cheerleaders, and a plethora of other groups.
There are more examples I could get into, but I will leave it at that.
I wonder how me 5 years ago would view me now. Would she recognize me? Would she respect me? Would she empathize with me? Would she even have things in common with me aside from superficial interests and appearances?
I'm worried that the girl that looks back at me from the mirror is someone I didn't want to be. I'm worried that I am the monster I once was plagued by. How do you do a complete 180 like this? How do you lose the traits you consider so admirable about yourself? How do you regain them once lost?
The glass in the mirror feels like it is warping. Every time I see something I like in myself, it is distorted and made to be grotesquely ironic.
Monday, September 25, 2006
The Path to 9/11
Many thoughts rush into mind when the average American hears the phrase “nine-eleven,” The Path to 9/11(TPT9/11) created the same responses and a plethora more. That’s one of the few positive/neutral comments I can make about this fake-umentary. Though it gave more insight into the prior events to that fateful day, it also uses artistic license to become yet another mouthpiece for the Bush administration.
The basic story line of TPT9/11 starts with the bombings of the World Trade Center Towers in 1993 and then meanders along stopping at other terrorist plots on the way. It paints the picture that America was in imminent danger throughout all of President Clinton’s administration and that they hardly did anything about it. Terrorist plots are thwarted, others completed, bad men caught and others let free -- it’s all the chills and thrills of a movie with all boring-ness attributed to safely doctored truth. Now that my opinion is starting to leak into my discussion of the story let’s move on to that.
At the beginning of each airing there is a disclaimer that stated that TPT9/11 was a dramatization of the 9/11 commission report, meaning that it is based on fact, but people, conversations, and even events were created. With that said, how can this dramatization be taken seriously? It’s about on the same par as an after-school special for parents to watch with their children to help “tackle” the tough issues. Shouldn’t an issue as serious as National Security be treated with the utmost honest and clarity? TPT9/11 has great bias towards the Bush administration, it paints the Clinton administration as uncaring about the terrorist problem, when in fact; they were the first administration to truly look the problem of terrorism in the face. I am worried mostly about the fact that this little movie will be taken as fact by a large number of Americans. They will take that “knowledge” with them to the polls in November. In reality, TPT9/11 is a mockery of explaining what really happened and the only way you can prove me wrong is by reading the 9/11 commission report yourself, which is what everyone really should do.
(I wrote this for the school paper. I'm a guest writer, I guess.)
The basic story line of TPT9/11 starts with the bombings of the World Trade Center Towers in 1993 and then meanders along stopping at other terrorist plots on the way. It paints the picture that America was in imminent danger throughout all of President Clinton’s administration and that they hardly did anything about it. Terrorist plots are thwarted, others completed, bad men caught and others let free -- it’s all the chills and thrills of a movie with all boring-ness attributed to safely doctored truth. Now that my opinion is starting to leak into my discussion of the story let’s move on to that.
At the beginning of each airing there is a disclaimer that stated that TPT9/11 was a dramatization of the 9/11 commission report, meaning that it is based on fact, but people, conversations, and even events were created. With that said, how can this dramatization be taken seriously? It’s about on the same par as an after-school special for parents to watch with their children to help “tackle” the tough issues. Shouldn’t an issue as serious as National Security be treated with the utmost honest and clarity? TPT9/11 has great bias towards the Bush administration, it paints the Clinton administration as uncaring about the terrorist problem, when in fact; they were the first administration to truly look the problem of terrorism in the face. I am worried mostly about the fact that this little movie will be taken as fact by a large number of Americans. They will take that “knowledge” with them to the polls in November. In reality, TPT9/11 is a mockery of explaining what really happened and the only way you can prove me wrong is by reading the 9/11 commission report yourself, which is what everyone really should do.
(I wrote this for the school paper. I'm a guest writer, I guess.)
Monday, September 18, 2006
Beauty
In my humanities class, I was instructed to bring in something I considered beautiful. I brought in my dirty and stinky Chuck Taylors. An odd choice, many would think. I even admit most people wouldn't necessarily think it is beautiful, but I stuck with it. I even stayed with that as my choice when my teacher gave us an option to bring something else. My reason for choosing is not purely because I think it is beautiful. I think it almost developed into a crusade to prove the beauty of the object not only in my eyes but in others as well. Beauty is such a hard thing to define, but the best definition I can come up with is: An object, person, place, idea, sound, touch, smell, taste, or emotion that moves a person to see the positive aspects of life, the universe and everything. With that definition, you can discount much art as being beautiful. Things can be aesthetically pleasing without being beautiful. さようなら.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Motivation
the psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal; the reason for the action; that which gives purpose and direction to behavior
When trying to convict a criminal the prosecution needs to present a motive for the person's action. When reading a novel or looking at a piece of art, we often wonder the creator's motivation. In a scene of a play or a movie an actor needs to know his character's motivation.
Motivation comes in all guises. You've got internal motivation and external motivation. Your stomach growls; you are motivated to eat. Someone calls your name; you are motivated to turn your head. Now, this is motivation in the rudimentary state of stimulus and response. Let's go to a higher level.
Now I feel like looking at motivation because, you guessed it, we had a motivational speaker yesterday. Granted it wasn't the most moving experience in my life, but he was far better than most I have watched in my life. His message was simple:
The simplicity of his message, I think is what sold me. He took the things that cause problems in our society and essentially remedied them with these three rules. I know that all motivational speakers are very idealistic, but you have to be a little idealistic to get by in this life. You have to hope for more and expect more. That's the only way to get something out of this thing called life. 再见.
When trying to convict a criminal the prosecution needs to present a motive for the person's action. When reading a novel or looking at a piece of art, we often wonder the creator's motivation. In a scene of a play or a movie an actor needs to know his character's motivation.
Motivation comes in all guises. You've got internal motivation and external motivation. Your stomach growls; you are motivated to eat. Someone calls your name; you are motivated to turn your head. Now, this is motivation in the rudimentary state of stimulus and response. Let's go to a higher level.
Now I feel like looking at motivation because, you guessed it, we had a motivational speaker yesterday. Granted it wasn't the most moving experience in my life, but he was far better than most I have watched in my life. His message was simple:
- No matter what someone does to you, you will never lose your Value.
- Even if you are afraid, have Courage.
- Everyone deserves Respect.
The simplicity of his message, I think is what sold me. He took the things that cause problems in our society and essentially remedied them with these three rules. I know that all motivational speakers are very idealistic, but you have to be a little idealistic to get by in this life. You have to hope for more and expect more. That's the only way to get something out of this thing called life. 再见.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Changed
People come in and out of our lives every day. Maybe not as highly numbered as the stars, but still more than you can count. More important than the number, is their effect on you. Every person leaves a a little piece of them with you. Some larger than others. Some of those pieces have no great effect on you. A person may meet you once and only leave a little memory that if you met them again may be sparked anew. Yet, some of those pieces can change you greatly. A person you know for many months or many years leaves a piece many times larger than the one time acquaintance. This larger piece truly changes you for the better or the good.
My curiosity is if that piece changes you, can you change back? Did you allow that change to happen? Can you be blamed for the change that occurred? If you can change back does it require forgetting the person? Or maybe forgiving them?
All these questions and many, many, more are swimming around in my head due to recent events in my life. I have to work tomorrow, time for sleep. Auf Wiedersehen
My curiosity is if that piece changes you, can you change back? Did you allow that change to happen? Can you be blamed for the change that occurred? If you can change back does it require forgetting the person? Or maybe forgiving them?
All these questions and many, many, more are swimming around in my head due to recent events in my life. I have to work tomorrow, time for sleep. Auf Wiedersehen
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Disappointment
a feeling of dissatisfaction that results when your expectations are not realized.
Pretty much describes my mood at the moment. With that in mind let's imagine all the things that have been disappointing in our lives:
Pretty much describes my mood at the moment. With that in mind let's imagine all the things that have been disappointing in our lives:
- Finding that the person you love does not love you back.
- That hot dog wasn't kosher (and your are an orthodox Jew).
- You failed your driver's test.
- You burned the popcorn in the microwave.
- The job went to someone else.
Obviously this is not a complete list, there are many disappointments in life. I have a feeling that these setbacks happen for a reason. Perhaps, losing the love of your life can open a door to find someone that is better for you. Maybe, that non-kosher hot dog will lead you to questioning your beliefs and widening your perspectives. That failed driver's test might push you to become a better driver which will obviously help you in the long run. That burned popcorn may prompt you to purchasing a more efficient microwave. Hopefully, that job really wasn't meant for you, and the poor sap who got it will hate it.
Disappointments also have their own individual weight for each person. Some find loss of love far less important than a dip in social status. Others expect little, therefore, are disappointed less.
People also deal with disappointment differently. Some immediately feel the pain. Others have to wait for it to settle in. Some people even store the pain and hold it underneath the surface as long as they can.
This may only be a superficial analysis of disappointment, but satisfactory for the moment. Au revoir
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Good Morning?
Do you ever wake up prepared to have a bad day? Today is one of those days. It's one of those days when you wake up and cringe when you think about what lies ahead. I'm not guaranteeing a bad day, but it's quite probable. Well, let's hope my gut feeling is wrong and today rocks my socks off. Arrivederci.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
NNNNNNNNNNNNN
So, I just broke the "n" key on my keyboard. Note that the "n" key is quite popular and causes great difficulty when attempting to type anything of worth. My space bar has also seen better days. I guess having your keyboard on your lap is not always the best idea. Dropping it causes multitudinous problems.
I hate that letter! At the present time, at least. Tot ziens.
I hate that letter! At the present time, at least. Tot ziens.
Hope rekindled
Every time I lose faith in human beings and expect the worst, BAM! Someone surprises me.
I was getting into my car to leave school, leaving Mick a message in the process. I get in and drive away. I turn the corner and I hear the whoosh of my notebook flying off the top of my car. In the process of getting into my car and leaving the message I had forgotten to put my notebook inside the car. So I pull into the nearest alley and reverse waiting for the nearby group of underclassmen to laugh at me as I gather up my notebook. To my surprise a blond-haired boy possibly a junior races out to get it before another car runs it over. I pulled up and thanked him profusely and was on my way.
These are the instances that supply me with new faith in the human race. Every day at work (Target) I see the lowest of the low. People verbally berating cashiers because his or her check was not accepted, a mother physically or verbally abusing her child, the list goes on. There is so much hate, ill will, and apathy. I guess I have decided to prepare myself for the worst in protection of my true ideas of what the world should be like. Time to storyboard my P. S. A. for Video class and practice my sign language. Adeus.
I was getting into my car to leave school, leaving Mick a message in the process. I get in and drive away. I turn the corner and I hear the whoosh of my notebook flying off the top of my car. In the process of getting into my car and leaving the message I had forgotten to put my notebook inside the car. So I pull into the nearest alley and reverse waiting for the nearby group of underclassmen to laugh at me as I gather up my notebook. To my surprise a blond-haired boy possibly a junior races out to get it before another car runs it over. I pulled up and thanked him profusely and was on my way.
These are the instances that supply me with new faith in the human race. Every day at work (Target) I see the lowest of the low. People verbally berating cashiers because his or her check was not accepted, a mother physically or verbally abusing her child, the list goes on. There is so much hate, ill will, and apathy. I guess I have decided to prepare myself for the worst in protection of my true ideas of what the world should be like. Time to storyboard my P. S. A. for Video class and practice my sign language. Adeus.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Foist
Wow, yet another blog site under my belt. I guess I'm addicted. Here I am, wasting away in front of the computer to publish more useless babble for a minuscule portion of the world to see. There are many different aims of a blog site, as I have see in my 3 years of observing them . . . let's break them down, shall we?
1. Story tellers: Now this one breaks into two categories
4. Attention Whores: This group is seen most commonly on sites such as Xanga.com and Myspace.com. They seek picture comments, friends requests, blog comments, and just plain old profile comments like a fat kid seeks delicious chocolate cake.
I guarantee there are more groups out there that I have overlooked, and for that I am sorry . . . if you have any to add feel free to let me know. For now . . . I will resign to sleep in the bed I am sitting on and hope for a better tomorrow, today. Adios.
1. Story tellers: Now this one breaks into two categories
- The authors . . . blogging is a way for their fiction or non-fiction to be read by others. (with the sub-group of fan-fiction writers)
- Life-divulgers . . . these are the people that use their blog for maybe its first intended use, something to chronicle their lives and possibly share with others.
- True Community producers . . . these are the people who are honestly trying to create a group for those with similar interests. This provides for much of the community on the world-wide-web.
- Excluders . . . I love this group. These little darlings make communities just to shun others. Rigorous online hazing and ridiculous rules for exclusion keep these communities small and foul-tempered.
4. Attention Whores: This group is seen most commonly on sites such as Xanga.com and Myspace.com. They seek picture comments, friends requests, blog comments, and just plain old profile comments like a fat kid seeks delicious chocolate cake.
I guarantee there are more groups out there that I have overlooked, and for that I am sorry . . . if you have any to add feel free to let me know. For now . . . I will resign to sleep in the bed I am sitting on and hope for a better tomorrow, today. Adios.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
